"I wish I'd enjoyed my single days more and spent my free time reading or becoming a better photographer or something, and not worried so much about the meaning of golf balls. Because here's the thing, I was fine on my own and so are you. But it can be hard when you feel ready for Happy Couplehood and you seem to have missed the train. As my friend Oliver Platt used to say to me about hopes and dreams I'd share with him 'It's coming, just not on your timeframe.' I find this a helpful reminder in any number of ways: not only when you're hoping to meet someone, but also when you're waiting for a better job or for some relief during a bleak time."
-Lauren Graham, "Talking As Fast As I Can"
I've loved Lauren Graham since the first time I watched "Gilmore Girls", I loved her even more after watching "Parenthood", so obviously I got a copy of her book "Talking As Fast As I Can". I anticipated enjoying the book, but I did not expect to be hit with that tidbit about single life on page 100.
She gets this whole single life thing.
I reread those sentences four or five times because they were everything to me; finally someone who actually gets it and put it into words perfectly. I don't want to look back on this time in my life and wish that I had enjoyed these days more, I don't want to wish that I hadn't wasted my time analyzing things that didn't need to be analyzed, and I don't want to look back and regret dating decisions made because I was lonely or I dated because it was expected of me. I am perfectly ok being single right now, and I'm enjoying it while I'm in this stage of life. There's a freedom in being single that isn't the same in "happy couplehood", the independence isn't the same, the free time isn't spent the same way. Those things all change, and not in a bad way, but they still change. So until the right man comes along, I'm going to enjoy the freedom, independence, and my free time the way it is right now. I won't stop living my life and become a shut in just because I'm single. Living my life means I occasionally go on a date when I feel like it, or there's someone who interests me enough. I'm not waiting to do things until I have a special someone to do them with, I'm doing the things I want to do either on my own or with friends. I can always do them again when I make it to "happy couplehood."
I am perfectly fine as a single woman.
I know who I am, I'm figuring out some of the things I want to do, defining the things I know I want, I know my strengths and my short comings, I know that I can be a lot sometimes, and I know that I could also be the best thing to happen to the right person. My time is valuable, I am valuable, and I'm not going to waste my time on someone who doesn't appreciate who I am. I've already wasted too much time on those types of guys. I also know what baggage I'm bringing with me (there's not a lot, but there is stuff), and I'm not afraid to talk about it because I want someone who can handle it. Some of it I may talk about earlier than people think you should, but I have an eating disordered brain that I have to do battle with some days. I'd rather know sooner rather than later if that's something that someone thinks they can handle or not, and it's ok if they can't, I understand that. There are days I feel like I can barely handle it and I've lived with it for 16 years. I'm not even sure how to have that conversation to be honest, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I expect the same conversation in return when this someone is ready to share his stuff. I want to know what I'm in for, I want to know how to be there, how to be supportive and when. Life gets ugly sometimes, and you have to be able to lean on other people.
Somedays the loneliness kicks in and I do start to feel like I missed the train to Happy Couplehood, but when I really think about it I am 100% certain that I didn't miss the train at all. I just don't have the ticket for that train yet, and I'm ok with that. Sometimes I feel like people expect me to not be fine with being single, which is just confusing to me. Why wouldn't I be ok, what's wrong with where I am especially if I'm ok with it? Yes, at times it's lonely and frustrating, but just because I'm 28 doesn't mean I'm desperate to find someone because 30 is just around the corner. I'd rather wait and have it be right than jump into something for the sake of not being alone because I am perfectly fine as a single woman.