Tuesday, June 20, 2017

A Day In The Life Of... A Music Lover

I've been processing some things over the last few months; a whole lot of change, getting my fight back, deciding how I want My life to look, and feeling more like myself every day. With all that the music has been a little more melancholy with very meaningful lyrics to me.

"Heart on Fire", Nashville Cast
"Who threw the punch that you couldn't handle/ What came along and blew out your candle/ Oh, gotta light it back up/ Maybe it's just yourself that you're fighting/ Keeping the shine in your star from rising up/ Gotta light it back up/ Won't let you sink like a stone to the bottom, bottom/ Let me remind you of the you you've forgotten/ It's just a road, it's just a wave that you're riding/ I know it's rough, gotta get back up/ Light it back up/ You were the girl with the blazing heart on fire."
This song hit home for me, I lost my fight a few years ago and only recently got it back. At some point I just lost it, and getting it back was a 3/4 year long journey. In losing my fight I lost a part of me that I loved, a part of me that was essential to my core, and in losing my fight I lost my way. No more were, I am the girl with the blazing heart on fire, and it's not going to be put out again.
"After the Storm", Mumford and Sons
"I'm scared of what's behind and what's before... But there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears/ And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears/ Get over your hill and see what you find there/ With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair/ And now I cling to what I knew/ I saw exactly what was true/ But oh no more/ That's why I hold/ That's why I hold with all I have/ That's why I hold."
This songs makes me cry, it just hits a nerve with me as I've worked on loving myself as I am. As I've learned to love the girl who thought bulimia was the answer, as I learned to embrace that I always see the good in people even though I end up hurting because of it at times. I'm learning to embrace every part of me, the part that feels every emotion to the extreme, the part that cries herself to sleep after being strong for too long. It's all about the journey, showing grace to everyone including myself, and doing it with flowers in my hair after the biggest storm I've gone through has passed.
"All I know is that I need space/ If it takes a rocket, ok/ Somewhere more than a planet away/ I'll wave to the man in the moon/ Put a light year between me and you/ I need space/ I'll wave to the man in the moon/ No where to be and nothing to do/ With a light year between me and you/ I need space..."
Now here's a song I could have used a few years ago, but somehow it fits perfectly where I am right now too. It ties into 2017 being my year, a selfish year where I slow down and chill out as I focus internally.  I'm doing my best to move on from the things that no longer serve me, the things that I've held on to for reasons I couldn't really tell you, and learning to say no when I need space. 
"You ain't missing nothing cause love is so damn hard/ Take it from me darling, you don't want a heart/ Hey there Mr. Tin Man/ I'm glad we talked this out/You can take mine if you want it/ It's in pieces now/ By the way there Mr. Tin Man/ If you don't mind the scars/ You give me your armor/ You can have my heart."
"The Weight Of These Wings" hits home with so many songs, this one hit me the most though as I listened to it for the first time. This is how I felt for so long, if it meant never getting hurt again I would have given up my heart for armor to protect myself. Looking back, there's no way I would be who I am or where I am without the broken heart, I've come to be grateful for a broken heart and dreams that won't come true.

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